I used to believe in magic. Everything in my little girl mind was made of it, dripped it, infected me with it. I remember being 5 years old and diving right into a cartoon reality, right next to Bugs Bunny and the Smurfs. I truly believed I lived in their world for the duration of the show. I was so involved mentally in what I was watching that it was as if it were all around me, their two dimensional world of sound effects and impossible physical manuevers. It was, well, awesome. This ability wasn’t limited to the silliness of cartoons, no. I also recall deep, paralyzing fear as I watched Nightmare on Elm Street thinking, “If I even BLINK, Freddie will see me…ssshhhhhhhhh….”. There was one evening in particular when I remember not wanting to be seen as I enjoyed my programming so I piled all of my little stuffed friends on every available inch of the black recliner I was to sit in, leaving a me-sized hole in the center. I climbed in my hole backwards, nestling my little tushy into the chair, surrounding my self with the courage of fluffy bunnies and dolls. Just to be sure I wasn’t seen, I carried with me a large bear to set before my hole after I climbed in. To look at that scene I might have appeared to be just another little inanimate face amongst them all.
There was magic everywhere, not least of all in nature. I remember the trees and how they looked to me to be moving themselves, not being moved by the wind. They seemed alive, communicative even. They wanted me around and I loved being there. I saw fairies out the corner of my eye, clouds with personal messages for me, birds singing the songs I had in my head. It was all so amazing. Life. Nature still has a way with me. It’s why my most dear wish is to have a bit of land to call my own. I won’t have it forever as nothing can rightly be called mine that is of the earth but to have a little spot to sit on while I’m here would make me a very happy woman. Plant a tree on that spot and I’d be in heaven.
I believed in good and evil, witches both good and bad, vampires, dragons, angels, fairy godmothers, and the impossible. I miss being a little girl and I’m so lucky to have my own baby girl to guide through enchanted forests, protect against villains, and build castles for. Helping her keep her belief in the magical alive.
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