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Who is the last person you’d want to be stuck in an elevator with? Post-a-Day 2011

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I’m absolutely, 100% sure that I would never, ever, want to be stuck ANYwhere with my husband’s grandmother Liana. She’s his father’s mother and she’s a complete nightmare of a human being. If ‘malevolent‘ had a face, it would be hers. She’s the single most unsatisfied person I’ve ever known and is quite open about it. She has no qualms about calling children ugly or her lawyer fat, in fact I was there when she met with him and it was the first thing she said even before ‘hello’. The fat thing is a particular disappointment for her. All the women in my husband’s family have been told how much weight they should lose, including myself. Thanks, you old bag.

We call her from time to time just to check-in and make sure she’s still breathing and it’s always ALWAYS a dreadful conversation. She’s NEVER well and can’t just say “Oh I’m fine, and you?”. No sir, she’s got to tell you every bowel movement she’s had that week, the consistency, the color, the frequency and if it was painful before, during, or after the movement completed. She also wants to tell you about how awful the weather is, how much she hates her new house shoes and how upset it makes her that no one ever calls. No, really? No one calls? Weird!

You could be thinking, oh she’s just old and bitter, there’s a deep caring women in her and she’s probably hurting, poor thing. You’d be wrong. I can only imagine that any weak little emotion like ‘hurt feelings’ is being pummeled and kicked out the psyche by the evil that keeps this ancient stack of bones alive.

After having to think about this topic I promise myself I’ll opt for the stairs on any occasion I might be with her rather than risk any more time than necessary alone with this woman.

Wow. Generally I’d feel bad writing such a post about someone. Not this time.

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About eid2323

I've got a lot to say. I guess that's why most people start a blog, right? They've got thoughts, ideas, gripes, whatever, that they feel they must share with the world. Kind of egotistical, no? I mean, who's really going to read this? Am I so interesting that I can hold your attention over the rest of the world wide web? Strange to think that it could be possible. If you've read this far, you should know a little 'about me' as this portion is titled. Ok so, I live in Central Italy with my husband and daughter. He's an Italian citizen, I'm an American citizen which makes our baby...doomed, as well has a dual citizen. The cultures do more than clash. They kick, bite, and beat the crap out of eachother. You have to have a very worldly outlook to marry someone from another country. People around the world are raised very differently from one another. What's perfectly normal in one area of the world is cause for major concern in another. I stand in front of the fan to cool off when it's August and the heat is insane and the humidity keeps you sticky 24 hours a day. My husband is convinced I've some sort of superhuman powers to not have caught some serious illness by doing this. Sound senseless, it is. Italians are full of ridiculous beliefs that hold no ground outside the land of make-believe and nut-cases. But who am I to tell anyone that the sayings of their great-great-great Aunt Maria are bullshit? So I just listen and nod. Well that brings you a bit up to speed on my current situation, yeah? Ok so, read me blog now kiddies. Toodaloo!

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