Oh goodness me, such a loaded question, this one. What DOESN’T send my emotions raging?? I’m a markedly emotional person and at times the most obscure things will send me into fits of near hysteria. The well-being of the local spider population, the reasons for planes that leave that mysterious trail behind them (chem-trails), the quality of air all over the planet…just to name a few. Other things that leave me incensed are obvious: Hungry babies, crimes against innocent beings, poor quality drinking water, lack of education worldwide, stupidity, ignorance, greed to a ridiculous psychologically disturbed degree, abuse in all forms. All of those things and more but I have to admit that the most “on fire” I get is when I think about my own personal situation. When I was single, before motherhood, I was relatively happy and carefree. I wanted few things for myself personally and was pleased with my life in general. Now that I have a little one (a most perfect creature of almost 20 months, who is the light of the light of my life) things have changed. I’m angry that I can’t give her what I’d like to. All I want is a tree in a yard on a little spot of Earth that is my own. We could have picnics and search out lady-bugs. Run and skin our knees without fear of stepping on a needle or condom. I’m sick with myself that I brought this little person into a situation that isn’t at all what I would’ve wanted for her. On the bright side, and there’s always a bright side, my husband is a wonderful father who treasures every moment with his little princess and we always have our cupboards full and our basic needs covered. For this I am eternally grateful and I’d never want to seem disappointed with my lot in life…it’s just that when I look into those lovely little eyes, that round chubby face, when those pink full-of-saliva-lips give me her kisses upon kisses, well I just want….more. For her.
Tears. Thanks a lot WordPress. Tomorrow I require a lighter topic, GOT IT??