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Monthly Archives: March 2011

Lucid Dreaming Post a Day 2011

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Oh what I would do if I could have a lucid dream…….

My life revolves around my daughter so naturally she’d be with me. I’d be able to communicate with her and her with me through thoughts alone. I’d visit all the people I’m always thinking of but can’t reach. We’d sit on the breeze and drink moonlight, we’d laugh music and wear sunshine.

I’d be surrounded by an ever-changing panorama of spectacular beauty: Impossibly deep ravines, the home to rivers colored the blue-green of tranquility, lined with greenery so vibrant and bold that it seems an artist’s paintbrush gave it life against the backdrop of the fiery sand and rock; Primeval forests of alien vegetation and mist with 100 rainbows each touching down into wells of liquid hope; Mountains reaching the stratosphere, icy and crystalline, calling for the remembrance of lost ideas and forfeited loved ones. I’d explore, venture through, over, under, around, and back.

I’d be a two-headed dragon, riding a rocket of light traveling as fast as. I’d exit our galaxy and meet otherworldly civilizations. Eat their food, speak their language. I’d befriend giant jungle cats and stroke their cubs and hunt their meals.

I’d split into as many pieces that make up each cell of my being and ride a tornado then dissipate and scatter myself to the four corners. I’d die.

And then….wake up.

How do you recover lost trust? Post a Day 2011

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Yikes. This topic is pretty heavy. How DO you recover lost trust? I’ve never been able to. Once it’s gone, it’s gone. There’s no going back. You can never again say that you truly trust a person who violates that confidence. How can you? “Oh I know I believed in you before and now that you’ve proven that you think very little of me and my friendship/partnership/relationship I think I’ll continue this totally illogical faith I have in you”-ummm, no. I don’t think anyone truly feels that way although many people would like to believe they can forgive and/or forget. I can do neither. I can try to ACCEPT what’s been done and if I’m not able to do that, well, whatever was between us before will be dead. Sad, isn’t it? But honestly, if you were the transgressor would you really want to remain in any kind of relationship with someone, whether it be intimate or business, who no longer trusts you? Your best bet is to fess up to whatever shitty thing you did and just move on. If you can’t be an honorable person in your dealings with certain individuals it might be best to seek out more like-minded folks. That way you can be yourself instead of being sneaky.

I feel an overwhelming need to disclose the fact that I’ve been untrustworthy to more than one person. I’m not proud of it but it’s a fact. I’m no longer in contact with any of the individuals I wronged. I followed my own advice and after spilling the beans I left the situation. I hate even remembering those moments and still feel incredibly guilty about them. I AM happy that there’s nothing untrustworthy I’ve done that isn’t out in the open but I’ve lost some good friends. I’ve also learned a lot of really great lessons. Be a good friend, be honest, open up, share, talk, trust, have honor and just be a decent human being.

If you could master any skill instantly, what would it be?

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This is a tough one. There are so many things I’d love to be able to do. I have a list a mile long on what I’d fill my days with if money weren’t a factor. I’d sign up for just about every lesson under the sun-from cooking to yoga, from-tap dance to pottery. Why not? I’d love to create. Well I DID create a human, no easy thing, and she’s the coolest thing in a diaper so I guess I’m already an artist. When forced to narrow it down to just one skill, I’m torn between two things.

One: I want to kick major butt. Not boxing or Ultimate Fighting but the kind of fighting on Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. That style that is surly mystical and perhaps magical but always lethal. A style so graceful that it would be a dance if not for the bleeding afterwards. I’m not out for vengeance or anything and I’m not quite sure where I’d use this skill but just knowing I could would be awesome. I’d be one hell of a protector for my little girl too. That would feel great.

Two: I want to learn how to be a world-class guitar player of that plucking Spanish style that is so soulful and romantic. I want to pick up my instrument and tell a story. One beautiful and full of love and adventure. I want to make my baby dance. How fulfilling it would be to let everything out through complicated fingerwork producing a melody for the people around you as well as yourself.

So, what will it be…..

I’m gonna’ have to go with number two. After writing about each I found myself picturing a scene at home with my family and I was happy, not showing my impressive double flip handstand cross kick, but playing music, loving and laughing.

Topic #84 How did you get your name?

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My full name is Erin Irene Dwight. Obviously my  last name came from one of my parents. In my case, the traditional one, my father.  My first name also came from my father. He was a real science-fiction geek and loved the show ‘Buck Rogers-in the 25th Century’. Even more than the premise, he loved the actress on the program named Erin Gray. He thought she was gorgeous and felt her name suited her. So for his little princess he wanted such a name. My middle name is the middle name of my grandmother, my father’s mother. It’s coincidentally the name of the street my father’s family lived on in Southgate, MI. So I’m my father’s daughter in more ways than one it seems. Thanks for the name Dad. It’s lovely.

Topic #83 What’s the most on fire you’ve ever been? Figuratively, literally, whatever.

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Oh goodness me, such a loaded question, this one. What DOESN’T send my emotions raging?? I’m a markedly emotional person and at times the most obscure things will send me into fits of near hysteria. The well-being of the local spider population, the reasons for planes that leave that mysterious trail behind them (chem-trails), the quality of air all over the planet…just to name a few. Other things that leave me incensed are obvious: Hungry babies, crimes against innocent beings, poor quality drinking water, lack of education worldwide, stupidity, ignorance, greed to a ridiculous psychologically disturbed degree, abuse in all forms. All of those things and more but I have to admit that the most “on fire” I get is when I think about my own personal situation. When I was single, before motherhood, I was relatively happy and carefree. I wanted few things for myself personally and was pleased with my life in general. Now that I have a little one (a most perfect creature of almost 20 months, who is the light of the light of my life) things have changed. I’m angry that I can’t give her what I’d like to. All I want is a tree in a yard on a little spot of Earth that is my own. We could have picnics and search out lady-bugs. Run and skin our knees without fear of stepping on a needle or condom. I’m sick with myself that I brought this little person into a situation that isn’t at all what I would’ve wanted for her. On the bright side, and there’s always a bright side, my husband is a wonderful father who treasures every moment with his little princess and we always have our cupboards full and our basic needs covered. For this I am eternally grateful and I’d never want to seem disappointed with my lot in life…it’s just that when I look into those lovely little eyes, that round chubby face, when those pink full-of-saliva-lips give me her kisses upon kisses, well I just want….more. For her.

Tears. Thanks a lot WordPress. Tomorrow I require a lighter topic, GOT IT??

Topic #82: What do you want for your last meal?

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Oh yeah buddy, now THIS is a blog topic I’m ready for. I’m a huge fan of food. I’m not saying I’m literally huge myself but rather that my love of food is grand, ever-growing and total. Ok so here it goes…

First I want to start with a glass of Montepulciano red wine from the vineyard where my brother-in-law works (Spelt). It’s pure luck that I’m a total wine-o and  have access to the best wine I’ve ever tasted for free as he brings it home by the 5 liter bottle. God bless you Fabio. Then I’d like another glass to go with my cheese and fruit. Both will be in abundance and of a variance that’s staggering. Gorgonzola, brie, blue cheese, swiss, mozzarella (fresh, hard, smoked), fresh parmesan, cream cheese, stracchino, robiola, CHEDDAR (damn I want me some cheddar. Haven’t had it in over two years since they don’t sell it in my area), gouda, smoked gouda, and I’m sure I’m missing something supremely stinky and delicious….damn, this will have to do for il formaggio. The fruit? Cherries, strawberries, apples (green), grapes (every variety), pineapple, lychee, kiwi, watermelon, tangerines, cantaloupe, and cherries (I know, I love them THAT much).

At this point I’d need a serious pause….

Sushi, boatloads. Salmon with just a touch of lemon, garlic, soy sauce, and honey…more wine…Time for some BEEF! A crazy big New York strip, medium rare (I want to see a little blood. Not a lot, just enough to make me feel savage), seasoned simply with salt and pepper but with caramelized onions on top with about half a bottle of A-1 (I just love that stuff). A ridiculous baked potato, what restaurants would call “loaded”: cheese, sour cream, chives, bacon, onion, BUTTERRRRRRRRRR…..I knew this would happen, I’m so stinkin’ hungry. Some steamed carrots, zucchini, broccoli and cauliflower.

You know what? Maybe I want a great big cheese burger instead of a steak. One with cheese, pastrami, onions (I see an onion theme), heaps of mayo, horse-radish, lettuce, tomato on those big pieces of buttered grilled bread instead of a bun. Lord have mercy, yeah, gimme that.

…and a salad. What? I love salad.

Somewhere in there I’ve got to fit in my very own spaghetti and meatballs because it’s just that good. You understand that I’m basically drinking  a whole bottle of blood-red goodness over the course of this dinner, right? If you can even call it “dinner” this is like those meals you hear that kings used to have where they’d have to purge themselves just to keep stuffing their guts.

I’m not big on desserts but I am a sucker for strawberries and chocolate, mmmmmmmmm.

I’ll need a decent glass of limoncello in the end and a coffee so strong it’d wake the dead.

I’m sure I’ll be dreaming of food tonight considering my bedtime is a half hour from now. I’ll want to change this post a dozen times by the time tomorrow’s writing session comes along but I’ll leave it like this. Just know that really, I’d eat anything tasty.

Oh man! I knew it! Not even signed off and I realize I forgot all about my Mexican and Indian food selections.

Topic #81 Go to your drafts folder and finish an old post

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Being such a newbie, I don’t have any unfinished posts. Good topic though. I’m sure there are loads of bloggers with half idea floating in nowhere-space just dying to be published and read my the masses. Just not so for me. My ideas are happy and public and published with a regularity I hope to maintain.

I wonder what tomorrow’s topic will be. Hopefully it’s something that applies to me. I feel like I’m gyping readers by not really making much of this idea. Guess we’ll have to wait and see.

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